I got a little bored today and decided to see if anyone had as much trouble pronouncing the lock that’s keeping me inside here as I did. Overall, I’d say they did pretty well…..

Dear friends,

I just did some research on the 1st Amendment and concluded that none of the following is illegal. I have decided to inform you of the happenings of the eastern end of my humble home. After all, what is true journalism without the whole truth? The simple answer to the question I’ve received hundreds of times is “yes”. There is a toilet in the bathroom. The garish answer to the question I’ve received never is “no”. There is no sewage system. My toilet is a human litter box. A series of tools are used every time I must use the facilities, including a scoop, some sawdust, and the abandonment of pride. What was supposed to become a pleasant Cedar-scented aroma of the modern day sewage solution, started smelling at the end of day one, but I didn’t want to complain. It’s not what you think, per say. It’s just that if you drink 3 bottles of water, 3 cups of Starbucks, 6 cans of Diet Coke, and a all natural iced tea sample from next door, there is bound to be a great volume of….*ahem*. The litter box strategy may work for a kitty, but I just don’t think that any kitty puts down as much Diet Coke as I do.

All that to say, I didn’t shower yesterday because I couldn’t go near the bathroom, it smelt so bad. I know, a day without a shower, shoot me. But who’s it gonna hurt? I’m in here alone for goodness’ sake. This morning, dear Sharon from Seattle Tiny Homes came to refill my water tank and take out the, um, “trash”. We sneakily and very indiscreetly shoveled the bucket through my delivery window, without any pedestrian interference. Its done now, ladies and gentlemen. I have taken a noontime shower and my lovely home and I both have a new fresh perspective and full bright smiles! (well, I suppose the home’s is more of empty smile now….)

The “waste”

Well, apparently they work. These fuzzy little devils foster creativity and provide a distraction from inevitable insanity. I have finished coloring most of the beast’s tail with the precision of a surgeon apprentice, and cannot wait to get started on the head. You have no idea what variety of artistic weaponry I will use to slay you, dragon. Until we meet again…. either tomorrow morning or in my dreams…..

Oh, boy, I hope there’s some sort of violent protest or public indecent exposure to keep me busy tomorrow…..

Is it too strange if I request a child in the delivery window?

So after last night’ EPIC dinner, I decided to go for something a little less intense. I can do chicken pretty easily. Over a nice Caesar salad? Absolute perfection. Maybe a cake for dessert?

Well. The first part of today was very exciting. But after awhile, there’s only so many “Hey, what if I just break the window?”s, “I’ll just split the money with you”s, or “I’m a professional locksmith, can I just pick it?”s that a guy can take without snapping. Maybe there’s a lunar eclipse tonight that just increased the overall idiocy of Seattle. Maybe there’s just a dark place in every human heart that just desires to annoy. Maybe that dark place particularly enjoys annoying those who do not possess the capacity to turn and run. Regardless, my patience is running low. Maybe I’ll make myself a cake tonight…..mmmmm……that sounds really nice actually.

Sorry, that was perhaps rude. But what’s the joy of a social experiment without honesty, right?

I’m bored. I decided to go watch people from the loft for awhile. I’m getting antsy. And I hit my head seven times up there. It wasn’t worth it.

Well I’ve run out of things to do. I keep singing the “we’ve got cabin fever” song from Muppet Treasure Island. Sometimes, if I stand up to fast, the ladder to my loft starts to look like a tall, friendly stranger wearing horizontal stripes. He has no head, but I just know he has a heart. The Seattle Pride Parade is almost over, but all I can think is, “aren’t some of these people freezing?” I just put on another sweater to make me feel better about how cold they are.

I was SO CLOSE to winning Solitaire that last round. And I swear I didn’t cheat even twice!