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Out with a bang

Well, I’m almost out of here. Only about 5 hours left! Good luck to all those playing! Here’s what my place looks like right about now….It’s like that one tooth ache you had a couple years ago….it just hurts so good

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Wednesday: Clue #1

So. The final day has arrived. I have to say, I’m dealing with some mixed emotions here. On one hand, I’m glad to be getting out of here soon. On the other, I’m REALLY glad to be getting out of here soon.

Seriously, though, this has been a great experience. (That could be the Stockholm Syndrome talking, but there you go.)

Anyway, the last day. I don’t know where the key is (so don’t ask) but I can tell you this:

1. At 5:45 p.m., an email will be sent out to everyone who’s completed this verification form. Again, this is the only way to get the last clues. (So—again—don’t ask me!)

2. Before that email goes out, I’ll need you to perform three tasks for me. Think of these as a warm-up for the full-on mad dash at the end. Ready? Here you go:

a) Reinforced walls are supposed to be strong—but this one under Pike Place Market is reinforced with something a little…chewier (not to mention germier). Take a photo of this Post Alley landmark and tweet it to me (@LockedinaHouse).

b) A Seattle sports legend, this thunderous dunker Reigned supreme in the 90s. Tweet me a photo of his Queen Anne restaurant (and try the French Dip while you’re there).

c) This being Seattle, everyone’s got at least an opinion on coffee. Find the strongest brew you can, and bring one whole bean of it (yes, one coffee bean) to wherever the upcoming email tells you.

Well, I think that’s enough to keep you busy for a while. Good luck, everyone!

 

 

Posted in Blog, Clue

A Conversational Cacophony

Phew. What an entertaining, emotional, busy, lazy, stressful, annoying, exhilarating, heartwarming, heart mutilating, cacophonous day. To those who depend on my blog posts as a source of entertainment and/or spiritual enlightenment, I apologize for their recent infrequency. I spent the majority of the day on the phone with friends looking for clues, and the rest of the day in my delivery window, making new friends and talking about life (and Schlage locks). This one Saudi Arabian gentleman seemed truly enthralled by the concept of a lock (although I am under heavy suspicion that he was giving something completely different than what I was taking). (I think) we talked for nearly 20 minutes about (I think) his 4 year-old son’s ability to smile broadly and his apparent propensity for acting and singing (which is, coincidentally, my vocation)(I think), his hatred of Chinese people (I think), the “Schlage of Spain” (I think), his confusion over what the internet is (I think), and his opinion of how silly my entrapment is (I think). I think it went well. And I think I learned a lot.

I don’t remember eating dinner tonight. I think its because I’ve been so busy talking to people (and perhaps also that I ate two boxes of mac and cheese for lunch). I must say, although I have had an interesting and enjoyable week, I am ready to get out. I think, like any good marriage to an 98 year old rich man, you get in, love life, lose life, weep, and get out. The experience is hard (or not) at times, but you move on a richer, freer, and more well-rounded human. You miss the times and things you had and loathe the times and things you hated. Forgive and forget, right?

I’m nervous for tomorrow. I don’t know what’s in store, but I just imagine the clue leading the contestants to a giant pile of pitchforks, chains and torches. In my dream, they will then be instructed to tweet about their intended method of pain affliction with a hashtag #killTheGuy. They then must take a video of themselves singing “Kill The Beast” and post it on my Facebook page. Then they must play a modified version of “bop the mole” featuring my fragile head, all 9 of my first floor windows, and an arsenal of indestructible Schlage locks. We’ll see how it goes.

Well, I’m off to bed. Check back tomorrow (today?) morning for the clue. I cannot wait to embrace every willing soul upon my departure.

Sweat dreams, friends,

Josh

 

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Disappearing Depot

Good evening, fellow friends and one unfortunate enemy.

You’re almost there, I’m almost out, and someone is about to be a whole lot richer. I KNOW that everyone is only playing along so that they can spend some quality time with me once I’m out. I’m not STUPID. As much as I would love to say that my chivalrous rescuers are all moral, upstanding citizens, I have a feeling that one of them is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Someone stole the clue from Home Depot. This prevented a couple people from finding it and thus gave the thief an inappropriate advantage. To the crook, I say that I would rather stay in confinement that run into your dirty arms. An escape shrouded with such deceit and thievery would be as anticlimactic and generally displeasing as a bee farmer with a debilitating honey allergy.

To the rest of my friends, I apologize profusely for this act of evil and am writing to inform you that the challenge code that was hidden at Home Depot (the last step on the worksheet for day 2) is 4729.

Also, to you angelic sheep, if you know who the perpetrator is, I challenge you to don your wolf’s clothing at once and reveal their identity. I know of a much less breezy box for the scoundrel that I’m sure Schlage would more than willingly provide the locks for. Now everyone is on the same playing field. For those of you that feel robbed, keep in mind that those who are still in need of this clue still have much more to do than you. Good luck tomorrow, dear friends! It was a pleasure speaking with most of you today!

Happy hunting!

Joshua

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Turkish Delight of the Afternoon Persuasion

Well today has been rather slow, despite the twenty or so people that I talked to on the phone. No matter how hard I tried, every other person I talked to ended up turning into a 10 minute conversation. I was trying to keep it short, but I just feel like I owe so much to my prospective rescuers. Anywho, I’ve just been lounging today on the phone, so its been nice. I have so much cleaning to do, its ridiculous. But I couldn’t resist the opportunity to sing a song with this lovely gentleman named Sid. He rattled off about 40 songs that I’d never hard of before we finally agreed on a tune. He actually offered to let me join his band, but, alas. I don’t play drums or bass. I felt guilty that I was potentially robbing him of a financially profitable opportunity, so I stuck a sign out the window saying, “give this guy money”. It worked, too! Thanks Sid!

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Tuesday: Clue #1

After three full days being locked up, I have three words for you: One. More. Day. At this point, I’d love to hear some voices beyond the (rapidly growing) ones in my own head. Help me stay strong here—give me a call at and I’ll give you the next clue.

Posted in Blog, Clue

Won’t you be my neighbor?

Neighbors are a funny little thing. They can annoy you more than a mosquito swarm bugs a man with no limbs, but there is always a part deep deep inside of you that desires to love them, a part that craves a relationship void of conflict and property line lawsuits. I began this week ready to welcome the fellow Westlake inhabitants with open arms and jolly smile, expecting no less than that in return (plus the occasional starbucks). But I have found some of them to be quite the opposite of neighborly. Especially the homeless community, which I cannot seem to find on Twitter. I thought we’d get along great, what with the awkward irony of my tiny home from which I cannot escape, and their freedom to roam. I live for this kind of awkward tension. But alas, members of this community and others persist in banging on my windows and doors, nagging me with silly questions about my confinement, and marching up and down my front stairs as if to protest the existence of stairs in general. I shouldn’t have to feel guilty about living in this thing. I can’t get out! I have no choice!

It typically takes me about ten seconds into explaining myself before I realize how stoned the person speaking to me is. I can usually back out such conversation fairly quickly by saying “go the website” or “follow me on twitter”. These words (website, twitter, facebook, scavenger hunt) have the same effect on stoned people as “The British are coming!” had on the American colonists in 1775–panic, shock, and disinterest. It becoming fun again. Yipee!!!

As I reflect on my neighbors, both permanent and fleeting ones, I’m about to snuggle in for a nice movie and the rest of my bag of goldfish. I hear there’s a big day of clues tomorrow, so I want to be well rested. Hopefully by this time on Wednesday I will dancing through the streets! Bah, humbug.

I think its about time to rediscover Home Alone 2. I feel like I can relate to him more than I used to….

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A big ol’ can of Diet Cake

So I read on Pinterest somewhere that you can make a chocolate cake using only a can of diet coke and a box of cake mix so I thought I’d try it! Sure enough, it worked great and was absolutely delicious! I even had a few people stop by to try some. Boy, I guess the people of Seattle are pretty trusting. Personally, I don’t know if I’d take a piece of cake from a totally random guy stuck in a house outside a mall. I’ll post a video of the baking process tomorrow. I am TIRED. I think I may watch a movie. Home Alone 2 sounds like an appropriate choice….

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Security settings are for the weak. Schlage is for the strong.

So we had a little trouble with the facebook posts. Unfortunately for me, Facebook’s security settings are about as strong as the Schlage lock on my front door. If you posted something on your wall today for me to read (like Monday’s clue asked you to), I most likely wasn’t able to get to it. Sorry! However, I would LOVE it if you would go to the Schlage Facebook page and repost it (or post it for the first time). I could use all the cheering up I could get! Starting to get a little stuffy in here….

Speaking of security, I can’t express how awkward it is that these human beings are paid to stand there and protect me. I feel so guilty, I just want to switch places with them. So far, my night guards have been named John (big and quiet), Don (small and chatty), and Dale (strong and hidden). They literally just stand outside my door all night long. It’s rather humiliating! I mean, no one’s gonna get through the DOOR obviously, not with that Schlage lock on it, but I’m a LITTLE worried about the windows. Or the flammable wood structure. Can’t wait to meet tonight’s guy….I may try to get him to play some cards with me.

Here’s one of my favorite posts from today (I’ll post more favorites later).

From Rebecca Bridge:

Josh’s house is so small, he has to go outside to change his mind. Josh’s house is so small, he put the key in the lock and broke the rear window. Josh’s house is so small, he walked in the front door and tripped over the fence. Josh’s house is so small, his welcome mat only says “WEL”. Josh’s house is so small, when he drops a kleenex, he has wall-to-wall carpeting.

HAHAHA. Thanks Rebecca, for cheering me up! Good luck in getting me out of here!

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Its a German delicacy, you see

I got a little bored today and decided to see if anyone had as much trouble pronouncing the lock that’s keeping me inside here as I did. Overall, I’d say they did pretty well…..

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  • Wednesday: Clue #1: So. The final day has arrived. I have to say, I'm dealing with some mixed emotions here. On one hand,...
  • Tuesday: Clue #1: After three full days being locked up, I have three words for you: One. More. Day. At this point, I’d...